I DID IT!!!

I got into my number one school. The vibe is right, the setting is right, it's a conservatory. I could not be happier. Now I just have to figure out how to afford it. It's funny how 2 years ago I never thought this was possible....never. Yet, here I am figuring out how to move to Manhattan to pursue my dream. I did it. This one was for me.

Rejection

Today was the day. I received my first rejection for graduate school. It's from a school that although I played a good audition I did not expect to be admitted to. However, there was still a feeling of disappointment in myself as I read the letter. I'm sad and continuing to freak out a little bit about the possibilities for my future. I'm scared----and I hate saying that.

It's the last first day

Tomorrow is the last first day of my undergraduate career. It's a frightening thought for me in so many ways. After this semester I really am on my own. Certainly, my father would help me out if I really needed it however, it's time for me to find my own feet and stand on my own. It's exhilarating and terrifying all at the same time. The journey to this moment has not always been easy. I've overcome obstacles, made mistakes, found myself, fallen apart, and pulled everything back together. However, here I am about to reach a new point. I'm me now. I go after what I want. I've loved and lost. I've stopped caring about what others think---to a certain extent. So I stand here now saying publicly for perhaps the first time that I'm scared about the future---truly scared. What if I don't get into graduate school? What if I don't get a job? What if I follow my heart? All these what if's are absolutely frightening for a planned to a t person like myself. However, I guess this is all part of growing up. The next few months will test me, I'm sure. They'll test my ability to think on my feet, make decisions that really matter, and be myself. I can't wait for the end but it's the ride in the middle that makes it all worthwhile.

When you realize you have no clue...

So, here I am in Manhattan. I've been here for 2 weeks. I love this city. The anonymity, the food, the people, the vibe, the arts, everything. I hate that I have to leave---even if it's only for a little while. I've had an exceptionally good trip this go around. I come here often however, this time I've stayed in different neighborhoods than usual, hung out with some new people, made wonderful connections in the music world, and made new friends. It's fantastic. I was totally in my element at conductors guild and I feel as though I represented myself well and gained a lot of knowledge.
Following the weekend at conductors guild I came to a somewhat startling realization around 8:15 am. I am no longer certain that I want to play the bassoon as a career. I DEFINITELY want to stay in music and in the classical realm of music. However, I'm now seriously considering conducting or thinking about interning in outreach for an orchestra or librarian work. I feel as though my interest in music is so much more than just bassoon playing that it might be wise to pursue more than one avenue in the field. More to come later on this topic I'm sure.
Well it's about time for me to begin getting ready for bed. I can not wait to be done with all these auditions. I feel as though I came in prepared and things will fall as they will and perhaps that will give me a clue as to which avenue I should try next. Who knows........ all I know is this looming real world thing is beginning to scare the mess out of me.

And so it begins...

I'm off to NYC today. I'll be attending conductors guild annual conference to do some networking, learn about mahler, and perhaps decide if I want to go into conducting. This is something I've been considering lately as frightening as it may sound. Hopefully attending the conference will clear up some things for me and I can figure out something. Also, the conference is focusing a lot on Mahler---who I LOVE. I can't wait to learn more about his music.
The second part of the trip is my going to long island to spend some time with friends. I'll be staying at Dan's house which i'm very excited about. His family is wonderful and I can't wait to spend some time with them.
The last 4 days will be spent taking auditions. I got turned down for an audition at stonybrook which, while it sucks, has proved a great motivator for me to really kick ass at the rest of the auditions. I'll try and update this blog while i'm running around in the city---but I can't make any guarantees. Until next time....

Welcome to Heather's Blog!!

So recently a lot of my friends have begun keeping blogs. I've found it a great way to keep up with them as we all relocate to different parts of the country and perhaps the world. I decided that perhaps keeping a blog will help me keep my friends updated as well as perhaps share experiences such as graduate school auditions, job searches, and moving. Who knows what 2009 might bring however, I'll write it all here so stay tuned to see what could possibly happen next ;)