When you realize you have no clue...

So, here I am in Manhattan. I've been here for 2 weeks. I love this city. The anonymity, the food, the people, the vibe, the arts, everything. I hate that I have to leave---even if it's only for a little while. I've had an exceptionally good trip this go around. I come here often however, this time I've stayed in different neighborhoods than usual, hung out with some new people, made wonderful connections in the music world, and made new friends. It's fantastic. I was totally in my element at conductors guild and I feel as though I represented myself well and gained a lot of knowledge.
Following the weekend at conductors guild I came to a somewhat startling realization around 8:15 am. I am no longer certain that I want to play the bassoon as a career. I DEFINITELY want to stay in music and in the classical realm of music. However, I'm now seriously considering conducting or thinking about interning in outreach for an orchestra or librarian work. I feel as though my interest in music is so much more than just bassoon playing that it might be wise to pursue more than one avenue in the field. More to come later on this topic I'm sure.
Well it's about time for me to begin getting ready for bed. I can not wait to be done with all these auditions. I feel as though I came in prepared and things will fall as they will and perhaps that will give me a clue as to which avenue I should try next. Who knows........ all I know is this looming real world thing is beginning to scare the mess out of me.